I find this wisdom especially imperative to share after thoroughly enjoying a home-brewed ale.
Do not date a man who:
1) smokes, even if he says he's trying to quit. Well, unless you smoke,
too. Mostly it's irritating to be left alone in restaurants and bars
during smoke breaks. Who even smokes anymore in Oregon? And how many families do you know who all smoke? Try going out with them--they all end up outside, standing together socializing while you sit inside waiting alone. It's enough to make you take up the habit just so you can converse a little. You might as well--when they insist you join them so you don't feel left out, you'll end up stinking anyway.
2) says he is going to lose weight and get into shape. He most likely will not. Ok, we know he won't. He is in complete denial that he needs to lose 50 lbs. Those once-a-year uniform slacks have not shrunk, and the Starbucks lattes are not helping (but don't say anything or you will be accused of having negative thoughts! Yes, we know we get accused of that anyway, no matter what we say or do. Still. Don't point out the 5 bazillion fat calories. Trust me on this.)
3) has a gambling addiction. Well, DUUUH. But he is cute with dimples when he smiles, and we want to think he is honest when he says he is "cured." Do not believe it. Hide your money.
4) acts more like a woman when communicating--ie--"I was so hurt when
you didn't read the entire 5 page article I sent you last week, even
though I didn't say I wanted you to read it. You don't care about me!"
[[[Shudder]]] Trust me on this one. I think I just dated myself in a former, less self-aware life. Truly frightening.
5) is incapable of being alone and runs to stay with his adult kids or
friends every single weekend if you can't be with him. And sometimes
when you can. It is weird. Kids grow up and move away to start their own lives. Sleeping on their couches, especially when they have started their own immoral lives too early, living in sin at 21 with babies out of wedlock, encircled by cigarette smoke, is just....weird and not the life we want. And don't say anything. (See #2.)
6) It was always someone else's fault in his past, and it's yours when you are around. And also when you're not. And even when you exemplify what any other man would be thrilled to find in a woman. He is simply incapable of giving of himself. And remember--he is your bitchy past self. You'll never measure up. Set him free to criticize and whine about another woman. You really do not need this.
And, God forbid, if you find the man who personifies all these issues, I'm sure he will be quite polite. The only problem is you may prefer sincerity.
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