So I sit here on summer break, feeling the crunch of what I call freedom anxiety, stuck in that time zone between "YAY, freedom!" and "hurry up and be a grown up while the kids are with their dad for 5 weeks and I don't have to work!"
So far, I've painted and distressed some of my used awful tables I've collected around the house, and I have to say I kinda like em! Antique white paint, lots of sanding, and waaay better character than the shiny wood stain that dated them in an ugly way. I'm the sort of dreamer who has ideas but rarely acts on them--this was a breakthrough for me, as I found discount materials at Big Lots and just went for it! Since I didn't have much invested, there wasn't much risk, and it doesn't matter if no one else likes them!
There's so much more to do around the house--cleaning out the kids' rooms while they can't complain...going through moving boxes that have been lugged around the country for years now and never opened...tagging items for a big garage sale, reorganizing the garage, working in the yard (though I must say, I'm quite happy with my front yard so far--LOVE the finches gathering on the thistle socks just outside my window!)...yet I can't find the motivation or the energy to complete much of it. I have no valid excuse, really.
I've started running daily again and am thinking of going twice a day. This week, I'm not sleeping or eating much, due to a minor broken heart. Well, why not--it's been 6 months since the last one, so I'm due. This was different, though. This was good from the beginning. Maybe too good.
Having checked out the 5 love languages in a book store once and having taken the quick, online test to see (however accurately) what my love languages are, I must say they're pretty spot on. There aren't a lot of questions on the quiz, but the results were surprisingly close to what I figured already.
My scores:
10 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
6
Physical Touch
4 Acts of Service
2 Receiving of Gifts
This makes a lot of sense to me--I certainly do need communication and attention to feel appreciated, wanted and needed. So in order to figure out how to make a match feel appreciated, wanted and needed, it is helpful to see what his love languages are, too. I don't think we have to have the same scores, but we do have to recognize the differences and similarities and figure out how to balance what we want with what our partner wants.
Okay, so having figured this all out, it sounds pretty easy, right? But it only works if both parties are willing to participate. If he feels cornered, overwhelmed, over-needed by her need for communication, and she feels neglected because he needs more space than she does, it creates tension. Similarly, if she withholds affection or lives far enough away to make it difficult to give him the physical touch he equates with caring, resentment may build.
But when this resentment presents itself, it does help to recognize that even if she isn't physically there enough for him, she shows him she loves him with her natural love language--writing him long emails or setting aside special moments to spend with him. When he is lax in affirming her with words and gets too busy to spend time with her, he may still show her love with his natural love language--touching often when they are together and giving her personalized or thoughtful gifts.
But what if the guy or gal in your life isn't willing to notice these differences as blessings, rather than shortcomings? What if they, instead, chalk it up as your being too much work, too needy?
Siggghh....this is why I sit here, staring at the piles of garage sale items stacked around the house, early run finished, but stomach aching, unable to eat or sleep. If there is anything I enjoy about heartbreak, it's the inevitable weight loss...but it's a shallow, hollow attribute.
Forgiveness is a very big concept in the bible--the most important, arguably. Where would we be if we all threw away every friendship, relationship, family member, colleague at the first small slight against us? Without forgiveness we are no better than animals. Unless we measure carefully what really happened, based on the true heart and intent of the accused, recognizing ourselves as just as capable of committing a similar or worse offense, we deny not only Christ His obedience, and the offender her mercy, but also ourselves the forgiveness we will inevitably desire later.
I can see my flags flying in my garden, patriotic red, white, and blue in the breeze. Huge coneflowers, bee balm, butterfly bush, and a smattering of perennials and annuals grow bright, stretching towards the light, basking in the warmth, bees strafing, finches dining but aware of the cat under the feeder...a moment I wish I could share with the one that, I'm afraid, can't (or won't) fully appreciate the beauty of nature--raw, imperfect, and fallible.
Recent Comments